Hey, Happy New Year. it's Crystal here with some Creative Self Care for stress management and resilience building, and today we're talking about something that might make you feel extremely seen and possibly a little attacked—but in the best possible way.

Have you ever had this experience: You're exhausted. You're burned out. You recognize you're at the end of your rope with your current coping strategies, and you *know* you need something different. So you download the meditation app because you need to feel calmer. You buy the journal because you need to process what's actually happening in your life. You research new habits because you desperately need to level up your stress management game.

You can SEE the growth edge. You KNOW what you need.

And then... nothing. The energy required to even *organize* the thought in your mind, much less act on it, just comes and goes. Unpredictably. Without any patterns you can recognize.

Or maybe you've had that moment where you feel this surge of "New beginning! Fresh start!" energy, and you're like "THIS IS IT, I'm finally gonna take care of myself, I'm finally gonna—" and then three days later, three hours later, honestly sometimes three fucking minutes later- it's just... gone. And not just gone quietly—gone with a side of shame and self-defeat.

If you're nodding right now, this episode is for you.

I recently posted about recognizing growth edges on TikTok—you know, those moments when you're feeling bored, frustrated with your routines, intolerant with old habits. And a friend left a comment that was so fucking important, we need to unpack it. Because what she named is the thing that keeps so many of us stuck in the shame spiral instead of actually moving forward.

So today we're talking about why your nervous system might be treating consistency like an illusive unicorn, why that all-or-nothing feeling isn't a character flaw, and how to actually create momentum when your brain chemistry is working against you.

Let's get into it.

THE COMMENT THAT CHANGED THE CONVERSATION 

Okay, so here's what my friend wrote. And I want you to really listen to this because I guarantee some of you are going to feel like she crawled inside your brain:

"I'm definitely familiar with the self-boredom, the go-to soothers being tapped, the intolerance... Here's my biggest stumbling block (and shameful—though probably super obvious—'secret'): the energy, either physical or emotional, required to even organize this in my mind, much less act on it, comes and goes. And it does so without a pattern I can recognize yet.*

Also, often with a totality that feels like, 'Ah! A new beginning!' or 'well, every scrap of that is gone forever,' which, although demonstrably wrong, seems to get me every time. Makes me hesitate to enter these conversations about growth, to avoid the shame of not following through, or even worse, giving important people in my life (like you) the obvious impression that I must not care that much about it. It's a gross and murky place to be.*

This comment is one way to stop thinking of silence as safety, instead of the stagnation it is... wonder if I'll have the balls to hit send..."

First of all—she hit send. And that matters. We'll come back to why in a minute.

But let me tell you what I want you to hear: This is not a character flaw. This is neurobiology.

When you experience energy that comes and goes without a predictable pattern? When the motivation to even *think* about growth feels unreliable? That's not you being wishy-washy, uncommitted, or lazy.

That's your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do.

Let me break this down.

THE ADHD + TRAUMA 

So there are two major players here, and if you've got both of them running the show, you're basically trying to drive your car with the emergency brake on.

Player One: ADHD, or Other Neuro-Spiciness

ADHD brains have inconsistent access to the neurochemicals that fuel things like motivation and task initiation. We're talking about dopamine, norepinephrine—the stuff that makes your brain say "yes, let's do the thing!"

And here's what non-ADHD people don't understand: that access is *literally unpredictable*. It's brain chemistry, not willpower. Some days you wake up and your brain is like "I COULD REORGANIZE THE ENTIRE GARAGE RIGHT NOW," and other days you can't even respond to a text message from someone you love.

It's not you. It's inconsistent neurochemistry.

Player Two: Trauma, Burnout, or Chronic Overwhelm

Now, if you've lived through instability—and I'm talking about anything from childhood trauma to years of work burnout to living in a body that society sees as a problem—your nervous system learns to treat unpredictability as the baseline.

Your nervous system *adapted*. It learned that consistency is, as I like to say, a fucking unicorn. A mythical creature you've heard about but never actually seen in the wild.

So what does your brilliant, protective nervous system do? It:

• Doesn't trust that energy will last
• Isn't surprised when plans fall apart  
• Constantly braces for things to change

And it's not just this programming that's the problem. Trauma and chronic stress actually accelerates the loss of gray matter- which is literally the brain's processing center. 

So, this isn't pessimism. This isn't self-sabotage. This is your nervous system running an insufficient program that's been conditioned to "kept you safe" in time when things felt unpredictable or unsafe.

The Combo Effect

So now imagine you've got both: ADHD giving you inconsistent dopamine access, PLUS a nervous system that's isn't running on all cylinders, and has learned that chaos is normal.

What does that look like day-to-day?

It looks like energy showing up like "NEW BEGINNING!" and then vanishing like "gone forever."

It looks like knowing exactly what you need to do but being unable to organize the thought, much less take action.

It looks like that all-or-nothing feeling that my friend described so perfectly.

And here's the part that breaks my heart: It looks like shame. Deep, murky, isolating shame.

Because when you don't understand what's happening in your nervous system, you interpret it as a personal failing. You think: "I must not care enough. I must not want it badly enough. I must be fundamentally broken."

But you're not broken. Your system is working overtime just to regulate, which leaves way less juice for things like organizing, initiating, or following through.

WHY SHAME KEEPS YOU STUCK 

Let's talk about what's really happening when shame enters the picture.

My friend said something so important in her comment: She hesitates to enter conversations about growth because she's afraid of "the shame of not following through" or giving people the impression that she doesn't care.

Here's what nobody tells you about shame and the nervous system: When shame runs the show, your brain learns that talking about change means you're setting yourself up for failure, which ultimately means danger.

So it shuts you down before you even start. Your nervous system literally treats growth like a threat.

This is why you might ghost therapists, avoid accountability partners, or go silent in group chats where everyone's sharing their wins. It's not because you don't care. It's because your nervous system has learned: "If I name what I want and then can't follow through, that's dangerous. That's exposure. That's proof I'm broken."

So silence becomes safety. Stagnation becomes the status quo.

But here's the thing: silence doesn't actually keep you safe. It keeps you stuck.

And more importantly—shame blocks the exact thing you need most, which is nervous system regulation. Because shame activates your sympathetic nervous system. It puts you into fight-or-flight. And you cannot access the part of your brain that plans, organizes, and initiates when you're in survival mode.

This is the trap: You need regulation to take action, but shame prevents regulation, so you can't take action, which creates more shame.

It's a loop. And it's not your fault.

HOW TO ACTUALLY CREATE MOMENTUM 

Okay, so if shame keeps you stuck and your nervous system treats consistency like a unicorn, what the hell are you supposed to do?

Here's the reframe that changes everything:

Recognizing your truth IS the work. Naming it IS the work.

When my friend hit send on that comment, she did something radical. She moved the experience out of the shame spiral and into reality.

Here's what I want you to understand: When something stays silent, your brain treats it like secret failure. It becomes this shameful thing you can't even look at directly.

But when you say it out loud—when you name what's happening—you're telling your nervous system: This isn't dangerous. This is just my truth.

That shift interrupts the shame cycle.

So here's your new permission slip: You are allowed to show up without the follow-through.

Post the comment. Say the thing. Name what you're noticing—even if you have zero idea what comes next.

Because here's what happens when you do that:

Your nervous system gets new information. It learns: "Oh. I can notice things and still be safe. I can want change without having all the answers. I can be in process without it meaning I'm failing."

And THAT is how real momentum builds. Not through forced follow-through. Not through shame-based willpower. But through creating safety around the noticing.

The more you show up without demanding immediate action from yourself, the more your nervous system learns: This isn't a setup. This is just my truth.

And when your nervous system feels safe enough to tell the truth? That's when real movement or growth becomes possible.

So what does this actually look like in real life?

It might look like:

• Texting a friend "I'm noticing I'm frustrated with my current routines" without having a plan for what to do about it
• Journaling "I recognize this is a growth edge" and then closing the journal
• Commenting on a post about change even though you're not sure you'll follow through
• Saying out loud "My energy is unpredictable and that's okay"

None of these really require action. They just require truth-telling.

And here's what's wild: Truth-telling without shame is one of the most regulating things you can do for your nervous system.

Because when you name something without demanding you fix it immediately, you're practicing being with discomfort without going into crisis mode. You're teaching your nervous system that awareness doesn't equal emergency.

That's nervous system literacy. That's the fucking work.

Now, if you're listening to this and thinking "Okay cool, but I still need actual tools and support to move through this"—you're absolutely right.

This is exactly why I created The Uprising, my Patreon community. Because growth edges need witnesses, not just willpower. You need a place where you can show up, name what's happening, and get support without the shame.

Every week I post Reclamation Monday content where we dig into nervous system literacy, stress regulation tools, and how to reclaim your agency from systems that profit off your exhaustion. I also have a self-guided course called, "Turn Stress Into Strength," where you can lean all about who you are, how you function, and simple, practical tools to regulate your nervous system. And we've got a whole community of people doing this messy, nonlinear work together.

You don't have to figure this out alone. And you don't have to be perfect at it. And if that sounds awesome- join us.

Take this with you

Alright my friend, here's what I want you to take away:

If your energy feels unpredictable, if consistency feels like impossible, if you're stuck in the shame spiral of wanting change but not being able to follow through—you're not broken. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was trained to do.

And the work isn't forcing yourself into action. The work is creating safety around the noticing.

Name it. Say it out loud. Show up without demanding follow-through.

That's how you interrupt the shame cycle. That's how you build real momentum, and that's what I want for you in this coming year. 

I fucking love you, bye.