Today I want to get into one of the biggest illusions we encounter when we’re trying to practice acts of self care, love, or empowerment.
And this distorted reality, my friend, is the belief that we are undeserving of those things.
Yes, today we are talking about self worth.
And in this post we’re going to get to the bottom of the bullshit that’s causing us to believe that we’re undeserving, and tap into some practical tools that will not only dispel this toxic belief, but give us permission to demand only the best for ourselves.
Welcome to the blogcast, Unlocking Wellness! I’m Crystal McLain, curator of Crystal McLain Creative, an online community and resource dedicated to sharing empowering, creative care for the mind, body, and mother-lovin’ soul.
If you’d like to learn more about all that I have to offer you can visit me at crystalmclaincreative.com. And if you enjoy my content, and would like to support my work, you can join the The Dream Team at Patreon and score some seriously awesome perks in return. Memberships start at just $3/month.
Alright. Let's get to it.
So, that’s kind of a big promise, huh?
We’re gonna dispel the belief that we’re unworthy and demand only the best for ourselves?
Yeah, so… Maybe I should insert a disclaimer here…
The truth is, you’re probably not going to be totally transformed by the time you get to the end of this post. It would be amazing if you were, but at the most, you’re probably just going to feel super inspired, which is the first step, so it’s a total win for you.
But, yeah, this kind of transformation can take years, if not a lifetime to develop and maintain. And the potency of these skills is something that can ebb and flow depending on life’s circumstances.
But here’s the thing, you can weave routines into your life that remind you on a regular basis that you DO deserve all the goodness in this world. And you can implement rituals that will empower you to be a proactive advocate for these things.
Developing a sense of self worth is kind of like being a farmer.
There’s a lot work involved in the beginning with things like clearing the land, turning the soil, and planting all the seeds. And then it’s consistent maintenance to make sure the conditions are favorable so your crops will grow. And you’ll always have to deal with floods and droughts and infestations of all sorts that complicate your growth. But it doesn’t mean that you’re not a farmer….you know what I mean?
It doesn’t mean you’re not worthy, deserving, or enough.
It just means that circumstances changed and triggered something inside you, and left you believing shitty things about yourself.
But look around, humans are capable of believing ANYTHING. Right? There’s some whack-a-doo belief systems out there. So, you can either choose to be one of those people who believes in absurdity, like the nonsense that you’re unworthy. Or, you can choose to believe that you are indeed a mother-lovin’ badass, and in order to maintain that status, you deserve and demand the best for yourself.
Because that’s how you’re gonna thrive, babe.
You’ve got to usher that goodness straight to your soul and trust that it belongs there.
Because it does.
Alright, enough of the pep-rally.
Let’s get clear about a couple of terms before we move into technique…
So, what is self worth, anyway?
Self worth is basically the internal judgement, questioning whether or not we’re enough. Are we thin enough, attractive enough, smart enough? Have we done enough to earn things like love, respect, abundance, or even something as simple as rest?
Far too often we’re calculating our productivity, our aesthetic, our abilities, and our past, and restricting ourselves because we just don’t believe that we add up.
But there’s no equation that determines your worth, because you are invaluable.
Alright, so, that’s what self worth is.
Next, I want to talk about illusion.
So, in the introduction, I mentioned that our belief that we’re undeserving is an illusion. And typically, I don’t rely on tools like Wikipedia for my information - I actually prefer more legitimate resources. But I just loved the first line that popped up in their definition.
“An illusion is a distortion of the senses, which can reveal how the mind normally organizes and interprets sensory stimulation.”
Let’s unpack that…
This distortion reveals how the mind organizes and interprets sensory stimulation.
When we’re believing terrible things about ourselves, when, in fact, we are not terrible people, that is really important information to pay attention to. It tells us that somewhere along the way in life, we created belief systems based on our interpretation of different circumstances.
In other words, our brains are programmed by the shit we experience. And if your experiences made you feel less-than, that’s how you’re going to structure your belief system.
Was there a time in your life when you were compared to someone else?
Was there a time when, no matter how much you did, or how obedient you were, it still wasn’t enough to please the person who had these expectation of you?
Were you ever picked on, or bullied?
Were you ever an outcast because you didn’t fit in?
Do you not fit society’s idea of sexy or successful?
There are so many situations in life that FEEL like a confirmation that you are are not enough.
But these events actually have nothing to do with you or your worth, and everything to do with the consequences of OTHER people’s programming.
Does that make sense?
If someone was treated like shit, they’ve got a few options. They can either believe that they are shit, they can treat others like shit, or they recognize the truth, that we are the product of our circumstances, and move forward from a place of self respect and power.
We have the ability to choose which filter we see ourselves through.
So, our self worth is based on our internal judgement system, but sometimes our perception is distorted, and creates the illusion that we are not enough.
Okay, great! So what do we do about that?
Practice self acceptance.
Now, this may feel like an impossible hurdle to get over, because lack of self-acceptance is the primary reason why we have low self esteem in the first place.
But luckily there are gobs of ways we can practice self acceptance. For instance…
1. Forgive yourself
I’m pretty sure we’ve all made choices that we’re not proud of. I know I personally have several gold medals in the poor choices category. And some of them were pretty epic.
But here’s the thing, every choice we’ve made is in the past, even if it was just five minutes ago. That moment no longer exists. And that moment doesn’t have to define who you are. Life is nothing, if but a constant opportunity to make new choices.
So, whatever unsavory decisions you may have made in the past, choose this moment right now to forgive yourself.
We all fuck up.
Oh, and I’d like to take this moment to let you know that I’m creating guided self care tutorials for The Inspiration Station, which is a new feature I’ve added to my website. So be sure to check that out because I’ll actually be creating guided meditations for things like self-forgiveness.
2. Let go of the things you cannot change
Sometimes we just are who we are.
You know what? I have cellulite. And not just a couple of little dimples on my legs, but, like, both of my thighs look like giant trunks of cottage cheese.
Can I tell you how much of my life I spent wasting on the belief that I was unworthy of compliments or love or pretty clothes, because of my cellulite?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had LOTS of reasons for why I believed I was undeserving of these things, but my thighs, they were straight-up a part of that equation.
There is nothing I can do about my cellulite. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’m 44 years old. It’s always been there, it will always be there. I had to make peace with my cellulite.
How ridiculous is that statement?
Anyway, yeah, I had to make peace with it. I had to make peace with a lot of things. And I’ll always have to make peace with new things because I’m an aging human living in an ever-changing world.
That’s just how it works.
When we accept the things we cannot change, we shift that restrictive energy into creative energy, and can learn ways to work with what we have instead of fixating on what we don’t.
3. Self Compassion
We hold pretty high expectations of ourselves, and forget that we are humans, with limited resources, and we can only do so much. And keeping that in perspective is paramount to our self esteem.
If you find that you’re putting too much heat on yourself, ask yourself, “is this how I would treat a loved one?” Chances are, the answer is no.
Be encouraging, be kind, be gentle, be patient. Be compassionate.
4. Identify your strengths
Each and every one of us is good at something. In fact, we’re all good at lots of things. Instead of giving your shortcomings all the attention, shine the light on your strengths. Even if they seem small or unimportant. Because guess what, everything about you is important.
5. Set goals and celebrate accomplishments
A lot of our self worth is dependent on our confidence levels. And nothing is a confidence booster like reaching a goal.
But here’s a cool hack, it doesn’t matter what the goal is. It just matters that you accomplish it.
This is something I’ve been doing for a few years.
Every day, I do the same damn things, but instead of seeing them as just a part of my routine, I see them as little tiny goals. And every time I complete one of them, I give myself a bit of praise.
The confidence and momentum that comes from this practice, makes me feel like I’m able and deserving of accomplishing the bigger goals…and that really makes me feel like a badass.
Give it a try, see what happens.
6. Change the narrative
So, if you are self aware enough to recognize that you’re feeling low on the self worth scale, you are self aware enough to recognize the language you’re using.
Practicing cultivating a positive growth mindset is a total game changer when it comes to self esteem. We have to learn how to catch ourselves when we’re using self-limiting or destructive language, and switch the narrative to something more supportive.
I actually offer a free Mindset Makeover Kit when you sign up for my newsletter.
Alright, my friend, that’s it for today.
Remember, if you’re feeling low in the self-worth department, it’s all an illusion. It’s just how you were programmed to perceive yourself, and it has nothing to do with what you deserve in life.
Feeling self assured is a skill that takes practice throughout your life, but it’s a skill worth devoting time to.
Forgive yourself for decisions you regret from the past, let go of the things you cannot change and practice self compassion.
Identify your strengths, and set and celebrate small goals throughout your day.
And be mindful of the words you’re using when talking about yourself.
Oh, and don’t forget to check out The Inspiration Station for some helpful self care tutorials. If you’d like to join a group of supportive badasses and start getting creative with the care of your mind, body and mother-lovin’ soul, you can learn more about The Dream Team at my website. I’ll leave links for everything below in the show notes.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for being here.
And I’ll see you soon.