As I’m forging through this existence of mine, I’m building the most epic and sustainable self-care practices of my life, and I’m realizing one of the reasons this is possible is because I’ve decided to become a bit of a rebel.
I’ve been a rebel in training for nearly half my life. I’ve always kind of done things my own way, and found challenging the “rules” invigorating. When I was a teenager I’d confront the cops when they tried throwing us out of empty parking lots. I interrogated history teachers when their “facts” that didn’t make sense to me. I walked out of a job while in the middle of a shift after being sexually harassed by my boss. I cut ties from abusive relationships. I’ve protested in the streets wearing my pussycat. I contact government officials, demanding social justice. So, it only made sense to take this challenging and resistant trait of mine and use it to benefit my self-care game.
Now, you might be wondering just exactly how this would even begin to work?
So, after spending a lifetime observing my own behaviors like I’m a fucking lab rat, and holding conversations with massage and coaching clients, something I noticed we’ve all had in common is a resistance towards doing the very things that would make us healthier, happier, and more at peace.
Weird, right? Like, why on earth would anyone resist the things that would make their life suck less?
Well, in short the answer is: Conditioning.
Teachers, family members, society and the government, they all have a set of “rules” they’d like for you to follow. And you, you poor thing, didn’t stand a chance against their influence…none of us did. We’re born into this world, and who you were born to, and where and how you were raised, and the situations and opportunities that came about in your life, will form how you interact with and see the world around you. It also dictates how you interact with and see yourself. I could also drone on and on about how our society has conditioned us with extrinsic motivators and the mind-fuck that happens in advertising, but that’s a whole other can of worms for another time…
Anyway, depending on this wicked complex life equation that has ultimately formed who you are, you will end up with a sliding scale of mindsets on certain topics. The range between these mindsets are fixed and growth.
Now, a fixed mindset concludes that personal qualities, abilities, and beliefs are innate and concrete, whereas a growth mindset believes a person can develop, strengthen, and evolve these traits.
A few more characteristics of a FIXED mindset are:
- Prioritizing external rewards and validation
- Gravitating towards instant gratification
- Avoiding taking risks
- Focusing on the result, and not the process
- Comparing self to “societal ideals”
And some tendencies of a GROWTH mindset are:
- Finding validation within
- Seeing failure as an opportunity to learn
- Daring to take risks
- Enjoying the process despite the outcome
- Living more authentically
Now, a person isn’t completely one or the other. Their mindset can vacillate between fixed and growth depending on the circumstance, one’s energy levels, mood, risk level, etc.
So, let’s get back to this rebellion concept of mine…
When we’re in a fixed mindset we’re more likely to resist the things that don’t come naturally to us. And in the self-care world that could be just about anything. Organizing your space, moving your body, eating something healthy, limiting screen time, quitting smoking, positive self-talk, setting boundaries, WHATEVER it is you might need in your life to make it a bit healthier, chances are, you might be resisting it (otherwise you’d already be doing it, right?). And if you're resisting it, that means you probably have a fixed mindset about it.
So, this was my thought…
This resistance I personally had to certain self-care practices was my OWN FUCKING OPPRESSION! I was literally standing in my own way of being a healthier version of myself. I was actively limiting myself from my full potential. What the actual fuck?
If I was going to fancy myself as a rebel, that meant I needed to rise above my own bullshit. I needed to strengthen my growth mindset and get to work.
So I did, and I am. ...and maybe you could, too.
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I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for being here.
I’ll see you soon.
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