Happy Old Year

January 01, 2022

I noticed that I was becoming a frustrated zombie, hungry for a part of my brain to be fed, but despite my efforts an emptiness remained.

Today I'm sharing my process of finding those missing pieces, and how loving my old self in this new year is feeding my brain.

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Welcome to the blogcast, Unlocking Wellness! I'm Crystal McLain, Licensed Massage Therapist, Empowerment Coach, and Consciousness Apothecary and I'm exploring ways to unlock our wellness barriers so we can create Self Care Independence, because we find our freedom when we’re living well.

Hello my friend, I hope you’re doing well, and if you’re not then I hope you find this episode inspiring. AND, if you’d like to read along while you listen, I offer that feature at my website: crystalmclaincreative.com. You can find a direct link to this episode in the show notes below. And, if you want to make sure you never miss an episode, you can either sign up for my newsletter, or subscribe to my podcast wherever you like to listen most.

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So, if you’re into it, I’ll leave links to all this stuff below in the show notes, or, you can just visit me at my website.

Alright, let's get to it.

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I was doing "all the things" for my self care...or so it seemed, but I still found myself wanting to escape my day. I felt bored, in a trance, just going through the motions, while I waited for...something, anything...but I wasn't sure what.

What the fuck was happening? What was I missing?

I was on the cusp of something great. Finally feeling like my passions were aligning with my purpose, with inspiration and opportunity knocking at my door.

I felt like this was my time to move into a life that was waiting for me.

It was exciting. No, it was exhilarating! I couldn't move forward fast enough.

I wanted to share it with the world. I wanted to inspire people to discover this kind of magic for themselves. I wanted them to fall in love with themselves, to become their own best friends, and create a lifestyle that fed their souls.

Because THAT'S how I was feeling. And it didn't seem fair to keep it all to myself.

So I set out to build a resource that would do just that.

And because I like to do things the 'right' way, I embarked on a long journey to learn as much as I could about how to build such a thing.

I learned that the trick was to follow the social media trends, build a seamless website, produce inspiring content, and gain followers. I had to be charismatic, be entertaining, be informative, but yet, still be me...

But that was the problem.

The more voraciously I went after this vision, and followed the "rules", the more blurry the vision became. I was forcing my gifts into the small boxes of trends and commercialism, and perfection, and lost my authenticity. I lost the essence of who I was, and what I was all about. And no matter how "good" my content was, it still felt empty to me.

It didn't feel real.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm madly in love with our digital world. There's an endless sea of inspiration and valid information, access to community, resources, and entertainment. But it can also be a terribly dangerous place.

It can quietly fill your head and your heart full of lies, and convince you to live a life that's not your own.

It can trick you into believing that you're not enough, or, just the opposite, that you're actually too much.

It can trick you into believing that there's a 'right' or 'wrong' way to do your life.

Even the strongest of characters can fall victim to it. Hell, I did.

The brain is an easily influenced thing.

And because it's the human condition to want to fit in, to find your tribe, and be successful. (because there's safety in all of that), I found myself trying to be a little bit more like everyone else, instead of feeding the things that make me uniquely me.

Which is exactly the opposite of what I want to promote.

Self love, empowerment and authenticity, mindfulness, awareness, purpose, CREATIVE self care, these are the things that make my heart sing. THIS is who I am...but goddamnit, I'd been bamboozled by the masses and hypnotized by the trends- whether that was their intention or not.

Anyway, I was lucking enough to be able to take a small break and do a little inventory of my soul, and do a bit of excavating, and dig out the pieces of myself that I'd forgotten.

I'd forgotten that I need to wander down roads I've never traveled (literally and figuratively).

I'd forgotten that I love to write really bad poetry.

I'd forgotten that I need to sit outdoors, in silence, for hours.

I'd forgotten that I like to sing loudly.

I'd forgotten to doodle.

I'd forgotten to flirt.

I'd forgotten to question the 'rules'.

These simple little things are actually a MASSIVE part of my self care. They're things that feed my soul, which, then, feed my brain so I can live the rest of my life more creatively, curiously, and satisfyingly.

So, what did I actually do to find these missing pieces?

I looked through old photos, journals, and keepsakes
I lied on the floor and stared at the ceiling
Danced hard to loud music
Went for a walk
Drove around aimlessly
Stared at the sky
Listened to the lyrics of meaningful music
Stream of consciousness writing
Screamed
Talked to myself
Stopped looking at my fucking phone so much

Now, I'm not saying that these activities will help you find your missing pieces (should you indeed have pieces gone astray). What I am saying, however, is that sometimes your 'self care' routines, or, your life, feel stale, shitty, frustrating, unproductive, off, or whatever, and so that means you need to go rogue. Stop doing what you're doing (because that obviously isn't working). Look back through the archives of your life, what used to work? WHY did it work? What were the things that brought you to life?

Because that's what this is. It's LIFE. And living doesn't have to mean simply existing. It doesn't mean you have to accept the life of a soulless zombie.

Today is the first day of 2022. And while I don't believe in new year's resolutions, I do believe in opportunities and kooky reasoning (hence why I'm all into crystals 'n stuff). And this seems like a great opportunity to start bringing life back into...life.

And I don't think that needs to happen by becoming someone new.

I think that happens when we remember who we are. When we remember what matters to us. When we honor our simple pleasures, and allow ourselves to have fun.

Love who you are, who you've been, and who you'll always be. Happy Old (Self) Year, friend.

I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thanks so much for being here.

I'll see you soon.